Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
