I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
