whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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