I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I met the friendliest cop last night
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
