when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
