In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
