Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
