doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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