Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
