So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just found a bag of teeth...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
