why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
