how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
