He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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