you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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