please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
