Taylor Swift is so right about you.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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