this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
