when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
