I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
