Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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