I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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