I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
