entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
