i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
