I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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