so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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