So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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