And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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