Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
