Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
