false alarm. still invincible.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
