shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I forget how to act sober
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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