just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
