I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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