she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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