i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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