chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Randomize
