he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
