oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
