Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
