went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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