Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
