Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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