Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize