New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
