im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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