So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
