Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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