It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Come on in and take your pants off
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