all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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