Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
