how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
