i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
