why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
