we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
