You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
