it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize