You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
