You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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