So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
