I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
