I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
