Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
