why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
