connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
