lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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