Only a mothe r could love this liver
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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