the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
