I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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